A Bowl Full of Cherry Tomatoes
by Kiwako
Summary: Cherry Tomato #4: Lost on the Road of Life. In which Kakashi is full of shit, per usual.
1. Vows

**Vows**

* * *

"I swear I won't let you regret it."

She swallows, feeling the familiar sting of tears as they well up and blur her vision, until all she sees is a vague, Sasuke-shaped blob.

"We'll live happily every day. We'll definitely find happiness together."

Already, the tears she has fought so hard to keep at bay are spilling forth, and there is nothing she can do to hide them any longer, not from him, not from herself, not from anyone.

"I will do anything for you. I'd _kill_ for you. Anything you want me to do, I'll do it for you."

The guests are silent, then. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see some of them turning and raising eyebrows at each other. Nobody should be surprised that Sasuke's choice of vows is short and not conventionally romantic. The real issue is probably how earnest and downright childish his words sound. She can see Ino's eyes narrowing into skeptical slits on her behalf: she clearly had higher expectations from the boy she would have declared the most eligible bachelor in Konoha if he hadn't gone "batshit crazy" for a few years. One row over, her mother seems mildly perturbed that her new son has chosen to bring up manslaughter at his own wedding. Tsunade merely looks pensive, and studies Sakura's face intently.

Sakura is the only one who hears his vows, recognizes the desperate promises of her 12-year-old self, and understands the truth he intends to convey to her alone.

He has loved her all along.

_(When she whispers "thank you," Sasuke leans in to cup her face in his hands and brush away her tears with his thumbs. Then the room erupts in titters, because only Team 7 ever knew he was capable of such tenderness.)_

* * *

**A/N: If I fleshed out all the things I wanted to write about, I'd probably flunk out of school, something I really can't afford to do right now-my only options are to drop dead or pass. So, a compromise: ficlets! I suppose these will all be Gravitation-verse, more or less. And if you've read that and gotten concerned, I promise Sakura won't cry every single time! They're going to find happiness together, after all.**

**In this one, I ended up using an unofficial translation of 181 that happened to use the future tense rather than the conditional, just because it made for better wedding vows that way.**


	2. Between Men

**Between Men**

* * *

"Kakashi."

"Sasuke?"

"_Fuck off._"

"That's 'fuck off, Hokage-sama' to you."

"Whatever. Just keep your filthy hands off Sarada."

"Sakura-chan actually encourages some germs, you know. Haven't you heard of the hygiene hypothesis? Helps build her immune system and prevent allergies and all that."

"Dammit, Kakashi, you know that's not what I'm talking about!"

"...Are we talking about dinner last night?"

"Tch."

"When your daughter proposed to me?"

"And you _accepted_!"

"Maa, maa. Sarada didn't really mean it. Little girls declare their intent to marry their father figures all the time."

"And _I'm_ her father."

"Obviously. But who takes care of her when you're away and Sakura is busy?"

"You—"

"And may I remind you who got Sakura to the hospital when she went into labor while you were away?

"You—"

"And who held her hand the whole time, suffering several fractures in the process?"

"Give me a freaking break! She was _five weeks_ early! And I made it in the end, didn't I?!"

"Thanks to Naruto and his flying thunder god technique."

"Anyway, she already practically lived in the hospital."

"Because I assigned her there."

"Not the point. Stay away from my daughter, you cradle-snatching reprobate."

"Can't help it if I'm a silver fox, Sasuke."

"_You can't marry my daughter._"

"Of course not. Then I'd have to call you Daddy."

"Shut up before I puke."

"Papa?"

"NO."

"I'm kidding, I'd rather just live in sin."

"!"

"I was joking."

"…"

"Sasuke?"

"_Yeah,_ I know. And I know she's too young for it to mean anything. I'm just stressed, ok?"

"Of course you are."

"…yeah."

"I understand where you're coming from, you know. There once was a lovely young girl who was like a daughter to me."

"So?"

"Now you're sleeping with her."

"Tch. If it bothers you so much, then stop trying to give me sex tips all the time."

"I just want her to be happy. As much as I want you to be happy."

"…thank you?"

"Any time."

"And we are."

"What?"

"Happy."

"Ah. I know, Sasuke. I can tell. Seriously, seeing you three now, I could die happy."

"Thank you."

"Any time."

"I mean it. For putting your ass on the line for me that time, for giving me another chance, for always watching over Sakura and Sarada when I can't."

"Of course."

"Hn."

"While we're on the subject of keeping watch, I'd keep an eye on Boruto, if I were you."

"What? Why?"

"Sarada thinks he's _annoying_."

"And just what the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?!"

"You tell me. After all, she's _your_ daughter."

"…shit."

"He's a nice boy."

"He's a moron."

"Hey. She's going to marry a moron someday. Might as well be Naruto's moron."

"Tch."

"Maa, maa. That's just what daughters do. They're all yours for a few fleeting years, until they discover boys, spread their legs—"

"_What._"

"—and fly away."

"…"

"Ah, did I say legs? I meant wings."

"_CHIDORI."_

* * *

**_A/N: _I've always considered Kakashi the most epic troll in the entire series. He's a bored genius, but in a more overtly flippant way than Shikamaru.**


	3. Master of the House

**Master of the House**

* * *

Sasuke is more amused than worried when childish offerings begin to clutter their doorstep, all addressed to Sarada.

It begins with drooping bunches of gray-brown weeds, charmingly ugly crayon portraits, then even a half-emptied pouch of half-melted candies. Perhaps a different little girl could be swayed by such abundant tributes, but the Uchiha blood flows thick in Sarada's small veins. She simply frowns and steps over the growing pile of annoyances, until it finally grows so large that she must step around it. Seeing this, Sakura remembers her own childhood pursuits all too well and sternly orders Sarada to be gracious and write thank-you letters for each of the offending gifts, lest she suffer the eternal shame of ending up married to someone she has rudely snubbed…again, and again, and again.

Sasuke responds to the jibe with a derisive "tch," and a smirk, too pleased with the outcome of his own love life to be appropriately remorseful. And when this sends Sakura into a pleasantly dangerous fit of rage, he catches Sarada's eye and glances pointedly at the door. Ever quick on the uptake, his daughter takes full advantage of the distraction and wastes no time escaping the threat of endless thank-you notes. When he is certain Sarada is safely headed far, far away, Sasuke takes one for the team and lets his wife have her [very sexy] way with him.

Later, Sasuke wonders if it is bad that Sarada knows she has his tacit approval to do whatever she pleases. It is, after all, a very sharp contrast from his own childhood, where his father had only ever expressed his eternal _dis_approval. But later in the afternoon when Sarada's unwanted mountain falls victim to the most glorious katon she has ever produced, he can barely hide his smile. He pokes her forehead and somehow neglects to mention the incident to Sakura.

That evening, Sarada clambers onto his lap unsolicited and gives him a big, grateful kiss on the cheek before she wanders off to go sharpen her kunai.

For the moment, Sasuke is the #1 man in the lives of not one, but _two_ lovely Uchiha ladies, and it feels damn good.

* * *

**A/N: Who do _you_ think rules the Uchiha household? Despite what Sasuke thinks, my money's actually on Sakura ^_~**


	4. Lost on the Road of Life

**Lost on the Road of Life**

* * *

Kakashi is full of shit.

Really.

He always is, and always has been. All of Team 7 knows this, yet Sakura continues to invite the old man over for meals whenever she can "because he's lonely, Sasuke-kun." Kakashi, for his part, has the audacity to accept whenever he knows Lee will be around to entertain Gai, which amounts to pretty much every day. By Sasuke's calculations, Kakashi's constant presence is:

\- 10% due to loneliness (which is fair, since most of the people he's ever loved are dead)

\- 10% due to his love for Sakura and Sarada (he's clearly trying to steal their love and affection, and it's absolutely unacceptable)

\- 30% due to his love for pissing off Sasuke (which is definitely petty revenge for when Sasuke ditched him for Orochimaru)

And that's only the half he has determined to be true.

The rest is still speculation, but Sasuke suspects the remaining 50% is because Kakashi thinks that if he keeps showing up, eventually Naruto will, too, and then Sasuke will get _really, seriously_ pissed off.

And Kakashi is right.

Within a week, Naruto catches wind of their arrangement and gets jealous, and pretty soon the entire Uzumaki brood is showing up at their door on a regular basis, infecting the tranquil Uchiha compound with smiles and stupidity. Sarada begins to grow increasingly irritable then, forced to share her beloved Kakashi-oji-chan's inattention with young Boruto, who has achieved the impossible and become even more of an attention-starved, trouble-making pest than his hare-brained father ever was. Secretly, Sasuke revels in this, watching Naruto attempt to discipline his hellspawn and fail. Unlike Boruto, Sarada is capable of higher brain function.

"Ne, Sarada-chan?" says Boruto, spraying rice across Uchiha Mikoto's antique mahogany table. "I—"

"Quit talking with your mouth full," his Pride and Joy hisses. "It's disgusting."

Boruto glances fearfully at his mother in the next room but seems annoyed to find that not only is her byakugan is deactivated, but that her eyes are fixed on little Himawari. He swallows. "Ne, do you ever feel like nobody really cares what you do?"

Sarada is clearly affronted, as is Sasuke. "No."

"Or like you're invisible?"

"No."

"Unloved?"

"NO. SHANNARO!"

"Yeah? How do you know?" he presses. "I mean, your mom works at the hospital all the time and your dad always goes away and leaves you guys alone. That doesn't sound like true love to me. Come on, don't you ever _wonder_?"

Sasuke is tempted to shut the little idiot up—permanently—but his brain overrides his instincts because Sarada's response is suddenly very important.

"Tch." She tosses her head. "You are _projecting_, and Mama says that projecting is an immature psychological defense against undesirable emotions which, in your case, are feelings of abandonment by your busy parents."

His child is a freaking genius.

"Huh?"

She pushes up her glasses, which have a tendency to slip down her little nose (Sakura's nose), and rolls her eyes. "Never mind. Anyway, you're probably just imagining things because you're insecure."

"I wonder," Kakashi cuts in, materializing behind Boruto. Somehow, he is never late when the opportunity to be a complete and total troll presents itself. "What if Boruto's parents actually don't love him? It's really starting to look that way."

Boruto looks horrified.

"I hope that's not the case though," Kakashi continues, positively gleeful. "Haven't you heard? Sometimes unloved kids get forgotten at the ninja academy, and then get lost when they try to go home on their own and end up wandering the streets—"

"Liar!"

"—forever."

Kakashi is _still_ full of shit, but for once, Sasuke is in no hurry to put an end to it.

* * *

**A/N: Papasuke is still pretty vengeful, isn't he?**

**In other news, I started a tumblr (and put the link in my profile)! Mainly because I had a nightmare the other day where I got banned and my fics got taken down and my hard drive got destroyed and then everything was lost. Forever. **

**It'll just be another repository for the same fics I have here, but I also may float ideas for multi-chapter fics there that I am too afraid to post here until I am sure I can finish them. Unlike here, I'll also be able to post images and videos of things that have inspired my writing.**

**Cheers!**


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